Joke
Dear Redneck Son...
I'm writing this letter slow because I know you can't
read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper
that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved.
I won't be able to send you the address because the last Arkansas family that
lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to
change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works
so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen
them since.
The weather ain't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for
three days and the second time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be
too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put
them in the pockets.
John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried cuz it took
him two hours to get me and your father out.
Your sister had a baby this morning; but I haven't found out what it is yet so I
don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. The baby looks just like your
brother...
Uncle Ted fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but
he fought them off playfully and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for
three days.
There ain't much more news at this time.
Love,
Mom
P.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.