SATSANG WITH SANMAN
 |
IMPORTANT DATES:
|
IMPORTANT DATES:
* only for animals / prices incl. VAT, CIA %KGB
You can contact Sanman at niravsanman@yahoo.com
WHO IS SANMAN?
If you look carefully at his picture, you will notice that he keeps his eyes closed. This clearly shows that man cannot find truth with eyes open.
Sanman then devised what is called the “Ostrich Approach to Enlightenment”. The less you look – the more it is there.
Unfortunately, only his quadruped friends, Rotolo the dog and a nameless black cat, realised at the same time that something significant had happened to their master.
Sanman is an open receptacle. Everyone who desires to drink with him is invited to share in the expenses - and in the worship of
THIS.
Sanman is an unassuming kind of person, a sort of failure, someone that everyone can identify with. He has achieved absolutely nothing. Actually, it is more accurate to say that he has un-achieved everything. He washes up the dishes, waters his garden and deep-cleans his house at least once a year, but he insists that it would be wrong to call this an achievement. It looks rather like a fucking duty to him. Sometimes he takes a break and lets himself be flooded by
THIS.
There is absolutely nothing special about him. He is a Child of the Universe, - not God’s only one, of course, - and it embarrasses him to see that so many seekers want to be in his presence and benefit from his wisdom, since he is not aware he has any.
When he looks at the smoke emanating from his mouth he realises again and again that
THIS is it.
If you have any problems, THIS is the time to accept them here and now. People, who have been drinking, smoking or are worried about over-weight, should realise that it is no use fighting and doing many expensive groups. SATSANG with SANMAN is enough to make you see that THIS is the answer to all your problems and the only thing that seekers will ever find. Being unhappy only means that you do not respect the Blissful Mess of this Universe.
Come and throw yourself into this mess wholeheartedly!
THIS HSIT HTIS SIHT TIHS SHTI THSI TISH ISHT IHST IHTS HITS STHI SITH TSHI SHIT
GLOSSARY
Blissful Mess This concept came to be known in a miraculous way. Sanman met his ultimate Master Draman in a dubious studio half an hour North of Amsterdam. Draman was uncertain for a moment whether the joint was going clockwise or anti-clockwise. Then existence unveiled itself in his helpless stammer: “I guess, this is all a blissful mess,” he said and finished the joint himself.
This None of the Greek philosophers, who we admire so much, had the presence of mind to grasp a concept that is natural to every housewife, butcher or shoemaker. Every child can indicate it with a simple gesture of his hand. Why are you still so reluctant to recognise its meaning for your life?
Oberammerüber Oberammerüber abounds in violets and nettles. Its inhabitants have been vegetarians for over 2000 years. They do not smoke or drink and the word television does not exist in their dictionary. And yet, they provide His Lightness with wine and dope. Sanman tends to jokingly dismiss, what is clearly a miracle, as an exhibition of greed in a backward Bavarian village.
EXCERPTS FROM IMMAGINARY SATSANGS
Sanman: If nobody else has any questions …I have one. Where is the ashtray?
*
Questioner: I still have some desires left.
Sanman: That’s great. It shows that you are not dead yet.
*
Questioner: I’m always feeling so light in your presence.
Sanman: Only my mother or girlfriend would disagree with you on this one.
*
Sanman: Do you know what’s wrong with you?
Questioner: No.
Sanman: Nor do I.
*
Questioner: Could I have another glass of sherry, please?
Sanman: I’m neither your mother nor your girlfriend.
*
Questioner: What is THIS?
Sanman: Oh this! Well …
SPIRITUAL TOYS
Come and visit our shop! You will find the latest models of all the gadgets you ever wanted to improve your spiritual life with. There’s nothing like a fully equipped disciple of the esoteric arts!
The Intuitive Tarot A complete set of absolutely empty cards. A Tarot that respects your intuition and willfulness and regards the questioner as a true tabula rasa, for that is how we arrived on this planet, as a blank sheet. (Don’t even dream of imitating this original Tarot. Every individual card carries a copyright symbol.) 23.- E
The Great Pyramid (under construction) 145.- (per Kilo)
Enlightenment is a Growth Business Complete kit for the successful grower of sacred herbs.
And a whole rainbow of all the other trash: Tapes, photos, posters, videos, coloured stones, aftershave, insense and nonsense.
WHAT IS SPECIAL ABOUT SANMAN?
Sanman represents the ultimate, the latest trend in the Enlightenment Business. To him it seems rather old-fashioned to forbid people to meditate or to do spiritual exercises and instead hammer into their brains that NOTHING IS NEEDED, YOU ARE ALREADY THAT and THE DOOR HAS ALWAYS BEEN OPEN.
The final logical consequence is something that modern enlightened masters have shied back from so far. And Sanman is taking exactly that last step. He forbids people to come to his Satsangs. Of course, he has to announce the Satsangs anyway, otherwise it would be meaningless to keep them from going there.
What an utterly egoic act and useless effort! To get up from your armchair and book a Satsang if you are IT, anyway. Strange, though, that nobody seems to have hit on this fairly obvious idea sooner than Sanman, who is not exactly swift and nimble when it comes to doing something. Anyway, who would like to be doing something, man? It’s all about getting the hang of it, after all.
What he likes the most, apart from sitting in his room and talking to himself, is hanging out with some friends and a few bottles of honest wine and some joints. As long as noone brings up the subject of realisation there does not seem to be anything wrong with that. Once you’ve realised this, there’s not much else to realise, is there?
He is glad that nobody has had the impertinence of asking him about enlightenment, since he would not know what to say about the subject. It looks to him as difficult as defining a circle. The best one he came up with so far is: a circle is a curved straight line, with the ends joint together, so that you can’t see where it ends or where it begins.
QUOTE
Guys, wake up. There is nothing to teach and nothing to learn as long as you enjoy the trip.
Truth is that which is.
THE GREATEST SECRET
I’ll tell you what the greatest secret is … and you will crack up, because it doesn’t look very much like a great secret at all. I know you will consider me a charlatan who’s finally found some fools to cheat with a new wonder drug. And there are no wonder drugs, of course, otherwise we would certainly know of them. At least, that’s what you believe.
But I’ve found a foolproof way to get you enlightened at the speed of lightening. And it is very simple. You won’t have to come here again. Actually, I’ll instruct my secretary to put everyone present on a special list, so you won’t be accepted a second time. You’d better make sure you pay attention this time.
For me this means of course a loss of business, but I don’t care. I can live on bread and peanut butter in the worst case …and a few glasses of wine maybe.
Honestly, it’s even a bit frightening how efficient my way is. You know, certain ideas can get a grip on you, you become hooked on them. They are like potent drugs.
Take for example a guy who’s only interested in money. Whatever he does and thinks, it’s to do with money. In no time he will be incredibly rich. So when you see a guy like this, you know that his religion is money. Why would he go on making money once he had more than enough? He thinks money, he dreams money, and he can’t help making money.
And now comes the shocking part of my theory. When you see a guy who’s constantly talking about enlightenment or a particular favourite concept, it’s because that’s what he’s addicted to. It’s as easy as that. And I can easily make you get addicted to my secret. So, you’d better ask yourself if you want to stay, or take the next train home.
I know you are here because you are too lazy to make money, or you don’t consider yourself capable of doing it, or worthy of receiving it. Enlightenment, on the other hand, is a very handy thing. You don’t have to achieve anything. It’s even true to say that achievement is strictly forbidden for the seekers.
It would, for example, be hard work to become the best pianist in the world. You’d have to practise scales eight hours a day and go through similar tortures for many years. In order to become a university professor you have to be a real fanatic and workaholic, otherwise you will not have the energy and the motivation to make it.
But with enlightenment it’s only a question of re-evaluating all you are and do, and lo and behold – you are enlightened. And that’s a great thing, because now you can tell everyone else about it. You are special in an unspecial way.
Your future husband may, to give you another example, work himself silly to become a computer expert, while you are merely busy selecting the right fingernail polish and the sexiest clothes. But when you are married it’s you who’ll be lying by the swimming pool of your gorgeous mansion, while he is in despair about how to account for his extra expenses.
What I’m trying to tell you is that there is an easy way and a hard way to get what you want. With me it’s going to be so easy that you will feel like asking your money back. And I can’t give you your money back, of course, since I’ve … well, I simply won’t do it.
I don’t even care whether you will confide your diaries that today has been the turning point in your lives. Although that’s what you would actually write, if you could muster the honesty.
To come back to my simple argument. There’s a hard way to enlightenment and there’s instant success. The hard way means that you keep watching yourself until you finally understand. It’s also a negative way because you will have to discard absolutely everything you meet on the way.
The easy way is to hammer some positive message in your brains until you are drunk with it.
I’ll give you another example to demonstrate the power of ridiculously simple tricks. If you want to be powerful in a group of people, just try this once. Don’t say anything but always smile when other people speak. Everybody will be fighting with everybody else about what they feel to be right. But you just stand aloof and don’t take sides. People have this incredible desire to communicate whatever is going on with them. But you will simply be that rock of silence in a ferocious battle of words, since you choose not to express anything.
Sooner or later, if you stick to it with determination, you will find that people respect you, even fear you, because it’s just uncanny to be with a guy who’s so consistently silent. They will have no idea what you think …of them in particular. You’ll be like an ominous witness to everything that’s going on.
If I taught you for instance that everything is exactly the way it is, and you continually reminded yourself of this the whole day - maybe you’d hang up posters in your bathroom and listen to the message on an endless tape before going to sleep. – after a while you’d be intoxicated with this beautiful and simple message. Your wife might tell you she’s found a better lover, your GP might disclose to you that your intestinal ulcer is unfortunately not benevolent, your boss might feel very reluctant to tell you that you’re dismissed – you will, in every instant, feel showers of bliss run through you at the thought that, in fact, ‘everything is exactly the way it is’.
I suppose you’ve followed me up to now with moderate interest and unhindered understanding, which is great, as everything else, of course, is, since it cannot be any other way. It is exactly the way it is. And it would be ludicrous on your part to disagree with me here. It is so simple and true that it would not even impress a child. But it impresses us because we have lost the innocence of children. To live according to the wisdom that ‘everything is exactly the way it is’ necessitates only a decision on your part. That is all.
Now, the above-mentioned example, to me, still lacks elegance and simplicity. Why use seven words if three will do? And why should you use abstract concepts, where a concrete everyday phrase may express the same idea more vividly?
That’s why I consider myself the Einstein of the New Age. Because I did in fact manage to reduce the teaching to three words in a phrase which 6 billion human beings use almost daily, but with no awareness.
When you use them after this session, they will make you feel ecstatic like those other three little words, ‘I love you’.
Three words is the utmost reduction that’s possible. Less would be more abstract again. They would not hit your heart like an arrow, but rather enter your nostrils with an uncertain suggestion of something or other. Just imagine saying merely ‘love’ instead of ‘I love you’. It would be almost meaningless.
I’ll let you have a short break now to digest what I’ve said so far and in order to prepare you for the essential teaching that will change your lives to an extent that you won’t recognise yourself in the mirror tomorrow morning.
*
I have been asked by some people what it is exactly that the greatest secret will reveal. I find that a highly intelligent question. But if I could answer this question it would not be a secret any more, let alone the greatest secret. Of course, I could say consciousness, love, silence, freedom. But these are merely words. And I’m not dealing with words. I’m interested in the Absolute, the most shocking insight that has ever shaken your foundations.
And to think that this little speck of dust can blind your ego and your mind is the real miracle.
Remember Buddha. He devised a ridiculous little exercise, which consisted in watching the going in and out of your breath, and many of his disciples got enlightened.
Today we are of course a little more advanced, and that’s why even this little exercise looks like torture to a modern mind, especially if you visualise yourself doing it for 20 to 40 years.
We have devised shortcuts that would make the old master blush, if he heard about them.
Close your eyes for a moment and say to yourself silently ‘I am here’. There’s not one single person in this room who doesn’t know what I mean. To think ‘I am’ is already too complicated. What does ‘I am’ mean, after all? It means absolutely nothing - to you, at any rate. But everyone here present will be able to see that ‘he is here’.
Now you can open your eyes again.
That’s it.
I see there’s bewilderment in your eyes. But it’s true anyway. ‘You are here’. I’m here. Yes I’m also sitting in a beautiful armchair, while you have to put up with wooden chairs. But that’s not the point. The point is ‘you are here’.
Do you see what I mean?
It’s just a matter of focus. You can either get stuck at one of the millions of circumstances or just relax in the knowledge that ‘you are here’. A change in focus - and you are enlightened.
‘I am here’ just cuts through all the crap and focuses on truth. It zooms into the center of the target like an arrow. None of your personal history is at all important. The only thing that is important is ‘I am here’. You may have lost your husband yesterday, you may be a victim of AIDs. This doesn’t change the unalterable law that ‘you are here’.
You have finally found something that is bigger than anything else you know – and yet you have known it all your life. When your mother screamed ‘Where are you?’, you screamed back from the bathroom ‘I am here!’.
Truth is grounded in every human being. It does not have to be put into him by force.
‘I am here’ is the ultimate purity of your being.
Just try it out. You may feel nervous, you look around at the neighbours and feel uneasy as usual. But who gives a fuck, since ‘you are here’. And that’s the long and the short of it. Why bother about consciousness, love, acceptance of the suchness of life and the like, if all that really matters is that ‘you are here’?
This little device is the greatest secret, for it will burn all that is useless, all the suffering and the tediousness of your personal life. And who gives a damn whether the ‘I’ in the phrase is your ego or your Self or whatever? This is an unnecessary complication of the issue. It’s enough that you’re here, isn’t it?
Just go deeper and deeper in this ‘I am hereness’ until it is no longer an idea but a reality, which it is in any case, since you are always here.
Mankind has been wasting its time with so many useless dreams, while there is this insistant hummung of AUM continually going on underground. Just fall into it. Surrender to it.
When you say good bye to the other participants of this memorable encounter, just remember one thing, ‘I am here’. As you sit in the train staring out of the window into an indifferent landscape ‘you are here’. Your children may need your attention desparately when you come home. Your husband may be doubtful about the platonic nature of this encounter. But do you want to get entangled in this mess of other people’s emotional history, when all that is really important is that ‘you are here’?
I give you liberation. Do you want to refuse it because it does not cost anything?
Why read all these complicated books about the nonduality of existence. Why should you try to accept your life the way it is? You can’t. It’s just too painful. Why even have a second meeting with me, since there is nothing of value I could add to these three little words, ‘I am here’?
You need a theme in your life. You are so empty that even ‘I am here’ is a divine melody to you. Why not sing it joyfully?
As far as I’m concerned, I’m not really interested in you. I don’t want to interfere in your lives. I am simply here.
‘I am here’ is the greatest excuse for being yourself, for doing whatsoever you would like to do. It is like a point of reference outside your life, although it is always at the core of your present reality. It IS your present reality.
How can I add anything significant to what I have just disclosed to you? ‘You are here’ and that’s all that matters. And now love can flow, consciousness can grow and freedom will spread its wings and fly into the infinite sky.
Thank you for your attention.
‘I am here’.
Horoscope
The Naked Truth about the twelve months!
JANUARY is a GREAT month to be born in. You are very fortunate actually. Not everybody is born in January. It should give you a feeling of being very special, a unique human being, in fact.
FEBRUARY is perhaps even more special as far as months go. It has fewer days than any other month. So you are particularly lucky if you have made it anyway. Has it ever occured to you that everybody who is born will have to die, but millions of people are never born – let alone in February!
I have always had my suspicions about MARCH. I must confess it is mainly on account of these nasty little “ides” of March. The 15th of March is like a stumbling block dropped into your life, for no reason at all. If you also feel suspicious, maybe you had better change your date of birth.
APRIL is simply a glorious month. It means that you were conceived in the heat of a July evening when the scent of jasmin was as intoxicating as it was irresistable to your father who, for once, dropped his gentlemanly restraint and, overcome by a burning feeling in his groin, leaped on your mother, rose above his limitations and eventually passed out amid panting screams, to be lulled into a coma by the unbearably light touch of the warm, moist evening breeze.
MAY has too much of a reputation with poets, and MAY occasionally deserve it, but, on the other hand, it MAY not. But how are you to tell? It is a VERY vague affair, indeed. Maybe, you’d better check in your birth certificate whether you were born at all. You are something of a miracle in genes, anyway.
JUNE is the solid month per se. You know exactly where you are and what you have got for your money. A no-nonsense month. YOU are not the type who has to reach for the earth with his feet. You are like a large block of reality in your own life, a reality unto yourself, as it were. Lucky you!
I could never quite understand why I was born in JULY. But then, looking around I perceive so many others who seem to bear the same fate with enough grace and confidence to make me feel reassured that there is nothing wrong with me – or with JULY, for that matter.
A friend of mine asked me to write something NICE about AUGUST, and so I shall. August is a very balanced month. It is situated almost in the middle of the year and it has as many nights as it has days, like a truely well-balanced month. It is definitely safe to be born in a month like this.
…Trying to remember the days of SEPTEMBER… This must be a musical month, if I am not projecting, as usual. And if I am, no harm has been done to an insensitive month, anyway. Months do not really FEEL anything. They have a purely fictitious existence, without any emotional complications. Just imagine: if these months had feelings and started reacting on each other! SEPTEMBER sounds just great. Personally, I’d feel proud to have been born in September.
OCTOBER. Why on earth did you have to wait 10 months before you could make up your mind to pop out of the oven? This month has it in it. It assembles all the people who do not really know why they are here. But then: January and October are the only two months with 7 letters. This should make you pause and think.
Now you really have to hurry up: there are only TWO months left to be born in. But NOVEMBER is definitely the wrong choice. It is a SOMBER month. Most November kids are born in Scandinavia and become alcoholics. If they (or their parents) had waited but a few more days, they would have been born in…
DECEMBER, which is a truely great month. You are in good company, too: Jesus Christ and Mao Tse Tung. They both had a large following who are still busy studying the books of these two guys. So if you want to be a really successful D-child, start writing your memoirs (unless you are a teenager, in which case you should wait a little or rely on your imagination), and go around telling people the TRUTH, preferably the NAKED TRUTH. He who is born in December does not even dream of being born in any other month – and so it should be.
Your month is your companion for life. Everybody who wants to marry you will inevitably ask you the stupid question WHEN you were born. Then just put on a wise smile and answer proudly whichever of the 12 it is – knowing well this idiot should have asked you WHY you were born, in the first place.