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ANGEL JOURNAL -- Journal Entries of Angela

Dec 09

today was a strange day anyway
i got out of bed very powerful, fresh and happy to start a new day
but as soon as i go to town, shopping and stuff, it makes me upset
seeing all these avaricious, greedy people supporting our junk-factories
making tons of useless materialistic things which are so superficial and
morbid - vomit!
and worst that even I fell into this trap of cheap junk. shame on me!
i used to live with 400.- a month for food, clothes, shoes, sport,
outgoing, pleasure, everything except the rent for the WG. I'm not
complaining about having more money now. I appreciate it a lot and it's
very nice to have the opportunity to buy expensive things and to travel.
but i found myself spending money for useless thing which i don't need
and which makes me not happier at all. this rich society sometimes seems
to be so rich outside and so poor inside. when i felt stressed in town
today i was looking for somebody who smiled. but in the middle of a huge
anthill there was not one face in which i liked to watch. i won't say
i'm a light but sometimes i feel like being a light in the middle of
dark clothes, slowly disappearing and snuffing out.

there are many nice people out there but it seems that they all
disappear being in the middle of many stressed unhappy people who run
behind their materialistic satisfaction.

after spending few hours in town in crazy days like today i need many
hours to rebalance myselve and get out the shit i picked up.

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Friday, 09 April 2010

I came home from work. Later I cooked pasta with tomato sauce and parmesan. As it was ready I put it on my desk and dialled Reza’s home number. First question he asked me: “How is the pasta?” I know we have a good connection but that he also can feel my pasta… J

[this was the second time :) ]

Sunday, 11 April 2010

A smile speaks more than a thousand words.

A mother with her daughter came into the waiting room, where Reza and I waited. They were sitting next to us. I smiled to them and they smiled back! It’s so refreshing and loving to see some smiling faces in this sad world. We didn’t talk but the connection through love was fully there. They left. Reza and I a little bit later too. We met at the bus station again. The little girl was looking at me and smiling. I smiled back.

After Reza left the bus I looked to the back of the bus and saw the girl again looking at me. I smiled and she smiled back. When I left the bus I looked through the window and waved to them. Both the mother and the daughter were smiling and waving back and that was the end of our sweet contact. But the love and the smile in my face are still there and I’m thankful for meeting some angels today.

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Saturday, 12 December 2009

If I would make a movie it would have no war, no killing, no murdering, no blood, no dark scenery, no tears, no sadness. Only joy, happiness, laughter, lots of colours and LOVE.

I don’t need to see shit to feel depressed afterwards. I don’t say that I feel depressed now but I could be after such a shit movie like Dr. Shivago. My soul knows it when to block it away from me so suddenly I couldn’t follow and nothing made sense anymore. I didn’t miss anything I’m sure.

I don’t understand why people like this kind of movies. I guess they get pleasure out of it to see that other people feel even more miserable than themselves. I’m wondering how people feel if they see only happy movies without any violence. Too less action maybe, boring, unreal, whatever…

What’s going on in somebody who makes this kind of movies? If he’s unhappy and has to go over his problems, good, maybe he can let his pain go with making a movie out of it. But to show his pain with millions of people is simply cruel and irresponsible. What’s about the idea of making our world better? I guess that’s not the goal of many people. Suffering is easier than to change, I know that myself. But once seen a real light, there’s no way to go back in darkness.

Why do we make kids-movies so different to adult-movies? Kids are sensitive and know that to see dark shit is not good for their souls. They start cry because it hurts them emotionally. But most of the adults are so dead, extinct and heartless that to see war and killing doesn’t hurt their soul anymore. Such a pity!

I’m wondering what would happen if only rose coloured movies are allowed for publicity. I’m sure if people see movies full of colour, joy and happiness it would influence their life positively!